How do we feel safe in the modern working world?

And recognize that being uncomfortable is a key part of our evolutionary advantage

By how much we're paid or the assets we own? The buffer or plan Bs between us and being able to pay our way and, ultimately, becoming homeless.

What happens if you become financially challenged?
What is financial safety? It looks very different for each of us and is influenced by what we get used to and what makes us part of our circle.
Can't afford the foreign trip?
Can't pay the mortgage?
That can be uncomfortable in conversations with our peers. So much so that it doesn't get discussed in groups or, often, even with close friends. We're uncomfortable, they're uncomfortable.

By our employer, our professional network?
Struggling to get that next job or contract? Gaps between or the financial shortfall are causing strain. Perhaps on your relationship too.
Too uncomfortable and triggering to discuss. Or uncomfortable if someone admits to being desperate - cultural taboo perhaps?

By our partner, our friends?
They have expectations and when they're not met it causes strain.
Again, the uncomfortable conversations are avoided.

Culturally, discomfort is avoided. The most powerful relationships are those with partners and friends when we can say the unsayable and sit with the discomfort. Not to solve (they are your answers to find) but to offer the warmth of human connection - time and care. The only soil from which answers appear.

It starts with us. Processing the guilt and the shame. These are tools of compliance which are dangerous if they stop these feelings come into the light. Allowing the tension with an open mind and heart with curiosity and compassion not judgement and anger.

So what is safety then?

Being comfortable in your own skin. Taking responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and actions.
Recognizing that punishment is not the answer whether it is by denying yourself or lashing out at others.
It's not an end state, more of an intention and a process.
You only need an intention to start, this is not about being perfect.

This is why I coach. I partner with people to find a way forward.
This is not theoretical, I speak from experience. I see patterns and share these to help but finding your own path of growth is central to what I do.

And reflecting on and in nature is key to this. It eases the tension that our beliefs impose on us and allows us to find our answers, letting go of internalised cultural expectations and family stories.

Nature tells us the truth. And we are nature.
When I coach I help people to see this truth in their lives.

And the biggest truth - we are not alone. We are deeply connected. Our agency and individual expression is important and it is part of a wider, invisible intelligence.

We don't need to be heroic just more human.

(originally posted on LinkedIn).

Further reflection

As a species, humanity's evolutionary niche has always been adaptability. We can thrive in many different environments and are not adapted for any in particular. In our social media culture where we are encouraged to perform success (whatever that is) we deny discomfort as 'not success'. I suspect it is our human advantage and, in the current and very unusual moment where most material needs are met (for a very small group), rediscovering 'tension to be the teacher' and taking personal responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions is critical.