The Proudest Moment in My Working Life
(this is a story about nature. It’s about human nature, feelings and how, by respecting them, we can respect ourselves, and teach others to do the same. We are nature)
I was in turmoil. It felt like something was bubbling up inside of me, like a volcano waiting to explode.
Emotionally, I was overwhelmed, confused, and didn’t know exactly what was going on. But I did know, fortunately, that it was important. The reason behind my turbulent state was significant, and I needed to ride it out, to let it unfold, and see what it was trying to tell me.
Ignoring or suppressing it by going for a bike ride, having a coffee, or even a drink wouldn’t have been helpful. I knew avoiding the emotion would only delay its inevitable surfacing. So instead, I went for a long walk with the intention of spending time in nature. The walk wasn’t about distance; it was about doing what felt right in the moment—whether it was a fast-paced walk or a slow, thoughtful one.
During the walk, I focused on adopting a mindset of curiosity. I needed to discover what my subconscious was trying to reveal. After some time, a few simple words hit me: You’re upset because you feel ignored. It seemed obvious in hindsight, but it hadn’t been clear to me at the time. I had likely resisted this feeling, as acknowledging it meant I would need to act on it.
Having put words to my feelings, I realized I couldn’t ignore them any longer. It was clear that I had to address the issue with my boss, as it was their behavior that had triggered my emotional turmoil. So, I picked up the phone and made the call. I hadn’t realized just how difficult it would be to say the words. Intellectually, I had accepted my feelings, but emotionally, it was a struggle to express them. Yet, I managed to get the words out, and it led to a positive conversation. Apologies were made, and my concerns were validated.
This experience was a breakthrough for me. Normally, I would have tried to think my way out of the situation—analyzing how I could avoid similar issues in the future or how I could change my behavior. But this time, I simply acknowledged and accepted my emotions. I’m proud of that. It’s something I want to include on my CV, though I’ll express it in more formal language.
It’s important for me to recognize how difficult this was, not just for me, but for others too. While I don’t think this struggle is exclusive to men, I know that for many men, expressing vulnerability and admitting to feeling weak can be especially challenging. Intellectually, we may understand the value of vulnerability, but actually following through with it is another matter entirely. It’s a mountain to climb.
So, climb that mountain. But remember, it's okay to start with the foothills. Follow the path that works for you, and act when you’re ready. For me, this moment came after much internal build-up. Perhaps, if I had spoken up sooner, things wouldn’t have reached the point of feeling like I was about to explode.
Everyone finds their own way. You’ll be ready when you’re ready.
This is the work that matters. This is what future-fit behaviours look like.
In a time of polycrisis and metacrisis, there will be a temptation to double-down on the mechanistic behaviours. Fight-flight-freeze. Parent-child relationships with employers, friends and families. Even with ourselves.
Adopting a stance of curiousity, kindness for ourselves and others needs us to grow our capacity, adopting our own Flow Practices.
Believing in and trusting ourselves will offer those opportunities to be proud. Pausing and celebrating is also part of our unlearning to be part of nature, not part of a machine.
This is the last of 4 articles. The other articles are:
Navigating Trust, Presence, and Personal Responsibility in the Workplace
Taking personal responsibility to overcome behaviours that aren't helpful
What can the natural world (ecosystems) teach us about the nature of trust?
(I would like to thank Eirik Netland, Duncan Bremner, Barry Farnworth and Jerry Nicholas for taking the time to engage with conversations around this on LinkedIn, to influence my thinking and shape the content. The original article that started the exploration is The Skills that REALLY make the difference)
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